well i went to the doc, he wasnt there so  i got to see another doc, who was great. Actually asked me some questions, listened to my chest and back, got me breath into a ventinatlor etc etc, full exmaination- the way it should be done, anyway i was diagnosed with a lung infection!and 5 days off work. Now i have pains right accross my back where my lungs are, im not running around like i ususally am and i feel shitty but still THE GUILT! Iv been n the phone to my manager since day one of this sickness giving him updates and maybe its just me but i get the feeling he thinks im full of crap, so i said ' ok my ma will drive me over tomorrow and il give u my medical cert and we can talk' so he agreed to that… aww i hate bein sick  

I stayed in my friends house for the weekend, he looked after me well and we barley left the house but to go to the shop for supplies. I just didnt want to be at home for some reason…anywhooo we kind of kissed….it wasnt a passionate kiss,we were kind of snuggling all weekend but it wasnt in that kind of way , we were just being frends if u guys can understand that? im not attratcted to him in looks,  but in my book looks are fuck all cos u could meet the most gorgeous fella an it would be great for a few weeks then u realise he is a one horse town in his little head, has no personality etc..or he could be great, just like a fella thats not 'gorgeous' looking. Personalitly is everything to me. I just feel weird about it now, not like i would feel weird seeing him or talking to him about it, asking what he read into etc etc cos i will,. but i just dont know . WE have such a great friendship, i dont want to risk ruining it, then again i dont want to risk missing out on what could be the perfect person for me? Confused isnt the word id even use to describe how i feel…………….i also have a thing now that i dont want to be with anyone i dont get that 'feeling' with, you know butterflies in ur stomach when u think of them.. but maybe thats bull shit, or maybe it just doesnt happen when ur friends with someone first? Help please…what should i do???




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