hey =) soo this is going to be long and crazy, but i need to share this shxt….lol and i haven't been to a meeting in forrrever…since i don't have transportation. anyways, so i'll start by saying i have been working so freakin much lately..omg it's insane. i have no time for anything man… but it's all good.. i get to cook all day at work, and i love cooking and i get to talk to people too. me and my ex-girfriend are no longer talking because she is insane, which i'm finding out everyone in my life is completely crazy LOL we are who we hang with, though, right? ha.. anyways.yea she's already out looking for other girls and hooked up with her ex, who is yuck. but i don't need her.. i'll put this too.. i had about 50 days clean which was a damn miracle ya know since i'm not going to meetings….well i went over to my best friend's house (she lives with her family) and she's all drug free..doesn't even smoke cigs…..lol and i happen to walk in the kitchen alone and find myself staring at these pills bottlles….blah one of them was xanax……and i used to do them sometimes…and i thought well shit that sucks whaaaat the helll …. hmmmmm… i walked away….. i walked back…..went to talk to stacy….realized no one was looking and took like 7 of them and put them in my bag…god did i feel HORRIBLE ! …went home did them like a retard and felt terrible and then i guess i called kirsten (my ex) crying and told her and told her i was sad and missed her. yea i don't particularly remember any of that, but apparently it happened and i feel just so dumb. but i told my mom how i stole pills lol and how horrible i feel now =( i'm ok though…and then….there's this chick i work with every single night…we worked together…just the two of us, no one else is there…i used to get high with her like 3 years ago….and she's 17, well she's still getting high and her and her friends had pot + other things in the back of the resturant today!!!! i don't know what to do??? i want to tell the boss because i don't want to get in trouble, but she's my friend so i think i just need to talk to her because it bothers me on about 45 different levels. ya know….and she just got kicked out of school for drugs…so it's a mess man….and this is HILARIOUS to me…my last boyfriend before i had to accept the fact that i'm gay….he had long hair, looked like a woman LOL he was hot ya know, but very girlly, and i loved him as a person, we dated for like 8 months off and on, well …i knew when we were dating that something weird was going on, like he had another girlfriend or something? well around my b-day i found a pic on his phone, actually he showed it to me, of his exgirlfriend naked…and i was like oh yea she's hot ya know but we broke up….come to find out today,  that girl and him have been together for 6years!!!! LOL my best friend ran into her today and they talked and the girl sent me a message on myspace how she's not mad, but wanted to talk….iwas like ok. but through this past year man, i have learned so much about people and life it just freakin amazes me.. i'm so excited to have gained so much knowledge that i obviously needed to know….how to be really picky about who i put in my life and trust, and how i have to stand up for what i believe in ya know, and what's right and wrong man….but yea… my parents might have someone buying their house this week so i'll be moving again LOL again ahh for like seriously, no lie, like the 100th time in my life… it's like where the hell does my HP want me???? am i ever going to have a damn home? i don't even care anymore,  moving is a part of my life i have learned to accept… anyways… i'm done rambleing… i'm just really amused at the moment. i could write for days about how i'm like looking at this big picture of life and how i see so much insanity going on and everything, but i am sooooo freakin grateful to just be outside of the picture right now and not in it for once =) it's beautiful, but that's all i think i'm going for a walk now, i love fall time in west virginia =) peace