I miss you.  Please write as much as you can.  L told me you use this address more often, so I'll use this one instead.  Dad yesterday I missed Uncle Ronnie(Drank himself to death).  I have a picture of him on my fridge.  I pray to him all the time, to play with my babies and make sure they are happy.  I know he wasn't perfect, but he had love in his heart.  I know he loved so much.  I remember him telling me he didn't come to my wedding because he didn't want to ruin it.  I wish he had come.  I thank God he called on Lovey's birthday party at your house. I wish he would have come to my family parties I organized for those years.  I wish everyone knew he was a fun uncle.  I wish I had received the letters he sent, that were returned to him, while in jail.  I wish I could bring your baby brother back.  You and I have had an off and on relationship, but we always love no matter what.  Please forgive me for not being the daughter I used to be.  I never ment to make you ashamed of me.  I promise I was not using drugs, I am so sorry for my 2 ab's.  I am so sorry I was so sick.  I love you so very much.  I know we don't talk on the phone well.  I can accept that….can we pls keep intouch through email.  Can you pls help my sister see that I am a good person.  I miss her so much.  I am done running.  I love where I am, I have family that loves me, a very supportive boyfriend, and always my LOVEY!  I am on only two meds now, and none are narcotics.  I am waiting for insurance to kick in here so I can keep up with my meds, because they really help.  I have many regrets in the past couple of years, but I need you to know, I have forgiven myself.  I did what I thought was best at the time.  I left Ed (exhusband)and Lovey to protect them from my illness.  I loved them too much for them to ever deal with me.  You know, I thought I loved in the past, but I know in my heart Ed was and always will be my first love of my life.  We get along so well now, and I am so proud of us.  You know he is my best friend.  If ever I get married again or have more children……..I will never forget how wonderful we were together.  I can't go back in time, nor would I want too.  I have learned so much about appreciating what I have ………My LOVEY a best friend, and a future to look forward to.  Jay is a very good man and we take good care of each other.  Yes, he is a recovering alcoholic 90+ days.  Who better for him to be with, than me.  I know so much about addiction……I am not pointing or saying anything negative about either side of my family.  I am learning everyday, how to be a better person.  Anyway I said so much, maybe too much.  I love you with all of my heart and soul.  i pray you feel the same about me, even after all that I have put you through. 

From Dad:  Hi Julie, I read you e-mail at work yesterday and It was lovely. I will always love you no matter what, thru the ups and downs and all around. Fat or skinny, blonde or red, on the ceiling or under the bed I'll always be there.
Love Dad

He sent me flowers today with a teddybear attached to it.

Thank you for letting me share some much needed healing in my heart.