It’s the end of another good day. Went to work, did my thing, talked with coworker about Star Wars and Trump, built some furniture while listening to The Weekly Planet podcast… love those Aussies, they’re hilarious.

Came home from work and spent some time with my son… I live with my ex, her bf and our kids, I know it sounds weird but it works for us.. there’s no jealousy in his house otherwise it wouldn’t work. Anyway, ex wanted me to talk to our five year old son about the nightmare that woke him up at 3:45am and kept him up. I adore my son. I haven’t been a perfect father but I do my best. He’s developmentally challenged, a little bit of a slow learner and a bit behind for his age but he’s rapidly improving. He started kindergarten this year and it’s been quite a change for him. Sometimes I project my sadness on to him.. I see him get frustrated at himself when he doesn’t get things people are trying to explain to him and it’s like watching myself in the past. He’s my minime… looks like me, acts like me.. I want nothing more than to be the father he needs – the father mine wasn’t. I just hope I’m doing something right with him.

In the recovery realm I’m fine… the Suboxone is a magic pill, it does it’s job well; no cravings, no WD symptoms… the only problem today was a friend (who is well aware I’m in recovery) who is in a great deal of pain awaiting surgeries asking me for numbers to get pills because he’s in pain. While I’m sympathetic and understand how much it sucks to be in pain, this particular guy is also an addict and knows full well he has no business bringing this shit up with me.

My ex gave me a little shit about breaking stuff around the house (accidentally, and over time) which is a little triggery too… I’ve told her that her laying into me and making me feel like crap is one of the things that often (always) precluded my using. That one I realize is more of a “man-up” situation, though telling sensitive people to get tougher is like telling a cat to do anything.

 

<3

Jack

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