I am extremely anxious about packing for France. I already know most of the things I would like to bring, and so that doesn't trouble me so much. Neither does the size of my suitcases. However, I'll be leaving for 4 months to study there and I'm not sure what to do with my clothes HERE while I'm gone. Sounds silly, right? Why not just leave them in the closet?

Well, my house in Tempe is infested with bugs and I am working on that problem. My house in Sedona has a MUCH smaller closet, but because of the bugs I brought everything I own up here to Sedona, which is where I am staying for the weekend. Here's my fear: If I bring some clothes back down to Tempe, they'll get touched by bugs or dust in my absence. There's not really room in the closet up here, so I bought bins yesterday to put my clothes in. But which house do I store them at? I'm kind of a hoarder when it comes to clothes. I bought a lot of new clothes for my trip, but going through my old ones (and I mean clothes from 6 years ago that I haven't even worn) is the most difficult process. I hate to get rid of things because I feel like it's wasteful. I bought them, how could I just get rid of them? And I think it's nice that someone else might wear them, that doesn't bother me. It's just that I don't know if I'll miss them once they're gone. I got rid of clothes once a few years ago, and I still remember some of the things I miss that I wish I could have back.

But I hate this! They're just clothes, for God's sake. I am SO fortunate to have as many as I do, but I cannot keep all of them with the limited space that I have. I just can't let go. And along with that, there's the germ thing. Where do I put them while I'm in France? I only have so many bins. I have to put some away in the closet and just leave them there. … It stresses me out so much. I wish so much that I wasn't worried about something as trivial as what my clothes will be doing while I'm off in another country. Why not worry about more meaningful things? I have no idea. But I'm spending my time sitting here worrying about which bin to put them in. Or what suitcase.

Here's another part of it: What do I wear for the next 2-3 weeks before I leave? Do I wear any of my new clothes or do I save them for France? I don't have a washer/dryer at my Tempe residence, so I would have to come back up here to wash them or spend a lot of money at a laundromat. So, I think to myself, obviously I should leave my clothes in Sedona. But I need to bring things down to wear in Tempe– I can't just not wear anything. But I have this fear that I can't wear my new clothes before I leave or I will put them in the wrong place or leave them at the wrong house or forget them….. I'm driving myself crazy.

Normally, I never wear the clothes I have that I like. I wear clothes I have that aren't my favorite so that nothing will happen to the ones I like. Nothing will spill on them, dirty them, damage them, etc. if they're not going outside my house. But what kind of life is that? I make myself so unhappy by worrying.

When I go to France, I want to just leave my OCD behind me here and not even tell people there that I struggle with it. I want to be open minded and free and love where I'm at. I want to try new things, love new things, wear new clothes, be myself–the self that I know I am underneath this illness. I want to set my spirit free!!!

But I'm worried about what to wear right now. I just want someone else to tell me how to do it. Where do I put things? How do I organize things? What do I need to keep, what do I need to get rid of? How do I free myself from this cage? I am currently trapped in the prison of my mind. Help?