I have mentioned in the past that I like the band citizen soldier. They have a cool sound and they cover a lot of mental health issues such as depression, addiction, recovery from abuse, ptsd, and suicide. The two songs “would anyone care” and “the weight of the world” were the first I had ever heard. I remember that night I had already been crying for hours and after hearing the first song I thought “man, even the YouTube algorithm knows I’m depressed” it was such a gut punch. This was a few months after I had my first crisis: debating how to best kill myself so my family wouldn’t feel guilty. Funny enough a night listening to these songs that made me brave enough to call 988. I had been trying to hold myself together all by myself since I was 13 years old, when I decided that I wouldn’t go to therapy until I moved out. The problem 13 year old me didn’t see was that my issues would only grow as the years passed. My issues grew to the point that now I can’t see myself living alone anymore. For the last few days I have been really low and today I finally broke 13 year old me’s promise and set up an appointment for my depression. But I’m still a little scared, and now another citizen soldier song is stuck in my head, bedroom ceiling
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Unproductive
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