A friend told me to check out a few forums for support with my ocd among other things but I think at times it’s because she’s tired of dealing with me. It seems nice here so far but I’m not sure what good this will do. I’m going to screw things up no matter what I try so what’s the point?

Well there’s a nice introduction from me, little miss sunshine. I’ll start over. I was diagnosed with OCD in 2008. I was married at the time but since then I have been divorced. My husband was never in love with me and the baggage I have was too much for him on top of that. I have since made my peace with all of that but his parents really put a strain on my condition. Later on i will touch on that.

Unfortunately my condition is hereditary, mainly from my Father’s side of the family. My dad was diagnosed in late 2004 and has since been treated. He does well from time to time which is good but I guess at this point I wish I had the means to get the treatment I need too.

Mine ranges from fear of pregnancy to fear of what people think. It could be anything which is why if I’m asked I usually say the unknown. My rituals are usually checking things like my weight, my car, checking account etc. It gets hard when times are good because I always wonder how the bottom is going to drop out on me and if I’ll be strong enough to take it when it does. I have already contemplated suicide luckily my faith along with my ocd stops me from going further but I fear that might one day backfire on me. I was told last Christmas that I should journal but the discipline and the hope wasn’t there. Now I’m at the absolute end of my rope. I don’t understand why I can’t be normal. I don’t even know if I can move past all that I’ve been through. It seems like no one understands or wants to understand.