I read something then reread it multiple times until I know that I fully understand what is happening… I have to picture exactly what is happening if it's a story, or at least imagine a situation where it would be relevant. I hate it…. I think it's In fear of missing something. It's like what if… and in fear of sounding stupid if I reply to something and I didn't completely get the concept. I came to a realization yesterday… I hate math because it makes too much sense, I formulate things too quickly but yet with the messed up mind that I have that wants to find a flaw, but yet it (my mind) wants things to make perfect sense at the same time. How do u balance that… I'm a counter to an extreme. Yesterday I figured the price per can of beer in the store, just because I couldn't let it go when my friend purchased something she thought was cheaper…it was less than one cent per can difference. I figured that in my head. actually it was down to 73.333 compared to 74.06 cents. Who does that! I've become this insane person. I used to figure out my paycheck down to the minute before I was salary. Not because I'm cheap or afraid of someone taking from me but I think that numbers comfort me. My dad's dad (grandpa…pff!) was a "clinical genious" as was told to my dad many times by his colleagues, but he died when my dad was 12 from alcohalism. His mind must've been too much to take in. That's how I feel…not that I'm a genius. But my mind is just too much. I can't take it. Every little thing has a rhyme or reason. That's how I think…there is always a reason and I have to figure it out. I can not allow my mind to control me any longer I count and keep track of everything. I do not believe my mind…as usual!  I just wanted to get this off my chest, I'm just putting this out there.

2 Comments
  1. ryanintelligent 12 years ago

    Heather,

     

    I too can relate with you and what you have stated in above blog! I have problems expressing myself, but that pretty much sums it up for me as well. Additionally I work with #'s…so it is a catch 22. It is comforting but #'s trigger OCD! I just can't win! Somber, your comment is very interesting it is quite obvious that you know your stuff. I am comforted by your comment.

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  2. hart 12 years ago

    Thanks everyone, I appreciate the support!

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