my inner thoughts today have run amok inside my head occasionally spilling out. they’ve gotten so bad that even my coworkers have noticed but I can’t help it. I’ve tried everything I can think of.  I started college to better myself, but I feel like I’m going to fail and fall flat on my face. my thoughts tell me I’m not good enough. my heart tells me I am my gut tells me that me I’m in for a long hard road. I refuse to give up though I’m trying to reach a goal and reach it I shall. I refuse to let my mental illnesses win. I will conquer this mountain. My life is mine not my illnesses they cannot defeat me or so I tell myself anyways.

How do you cope with your mental health? I tend to go for a more holistic and mind over matter approach. Do you think that these illnesses can be overcome without the aid of medicinal intervention? I’ve tried so many medicines, but none have worked for me, but that doesn’t mean I’m not open to try again. If I could just find a doctor or psychiatrist who cared and didn’t just treat me like a payday. I need someone who will listen and talk to me and work with me. My last doctor instead of trying to change my meds and find a balance just kept me on the ones that weren’t working and adding more meds to it. I finally told them that I had had enough I voiced it very clear to her that she was not helping me she was hurting me causing gastrointestinal issues with all the medicine she was pumping into me. She retired 2 weeks after that. I didn’t mean to push her that far but when you no longer care about your patients then maybe it is time to hang up the white coat. We are not lab rats that you can just pump full of stuff and hope it works.

These thoughts even here seem to have run amok on me. I apologize for the rambling that’s going on here these are just thoughts that I have needed to get out and didn’t know where I could safely until now.