Since I stopped speaking to my sister or at least limiting contact, my dad keeps remind me I only have one sister. I wish it was that easy to let go of my resentment but this was a lot of years of tolerating her until her most recent comment was one step too far. Some days she’d be my sister and in a second she could be my worst enemy. This year I had an incident, I relapsed into a deep depression. I was put into such an unnecessary amount of pain and now having new issues that’s I shouldn’t even have. I lost my trust in people especially those in my own family. I’ve definitely shut down in certain aspects of my life because I can’t open up. In comparison my sister had a great year. She got the boyfriend she always wanted, moved in with him and has  this new additional family and surrounded by a supportive group of friends. I’ve never had that- even when we had similar childhood traumas she didn’t have to suffer the after effects as I did. I was abused emotionally and sometimes physically by my mother and her. My grandfather was emotionally abusive towards me as well. Then there was the 12 years of bullying I got at school. I had a warped sense of reality how a person should be treated, so I got caught in a lot of toxic relationships. I’m only now breaking the cycle by virtually being alone in my life. Recently my sister did a 180 on me when I was talking about recent issues. She used my vulnerability against me and lectured me about still having a problem with my issues and somethings I was reliving. She then finished off to say I need to tell my therapist to tel me to snap out of it. I was shocked and couldn’t even process that she had really said that to me. I tolerate her for family functions but I can’t bring myself to resume a relationship like before not if she’s going to keep using my vulnerability against me.

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