I have to start again every time but my ground is wanting to learn connections with people and feel different feelings and just learning anything about science, art but nothing about the past. The past really makes me suicidal so i promised myself i would never look at anything other than people remind me even though i cant already remember my past lives apart from certain realisation 1 second memories. I think anyway.

what if having everything you ever wanted and needed became the essentials for every single human o n earth first, uk first instead of stopping yours lf getting what you want and then it just gets better. I have realised what i really want is to have my fam ily live in the same home as me, freedom to walk out a locked door, a job earning cash in my bank and to learn to communicate properly and to be able to learn and to be able to write the future. It helps to buy a pukka pad from whsmiths and some nice pens and write what is missing in your life and whats there thats shouldnt be there that would be fixed if something was added to your life and what you want for the future.

What i want is to be able to do all forms of art, have security, cash, knowledge, safety, connection with me loved ones like my mothers and fathers in all incarnations. The feelings and emotions you feel when you connect to your family well they go on forever and you should feel them. Feelings are there to be felt. Why are we blocking them out. I have a strong will to live because i just know the pleasure from the top end of the staircase goes on forever. Its the word we dont want to say but its called pleasure in life and its the opposite of pain and suffering. Right now my suffering is being trapped in a jail worrying about everyone being trapped in their own jails. When i am free all i can do is contact my dad and ask him for my surrogate mother to live with me but whats blocking me is this army of idiots stopping her from being allowed to live there cause all they want to do is stop nice feelings being felt by other people by stopping them and masturbating over stopping them trying to steal the good feelings like licking a foreign mans poo off the floor. They have no shame and they get paid to do this. If you want you could find some grounding for pride for yourself, include shame in your personality therefore earn some real good karma cash by letting yourself feel good feelings with these people when you do the job they want you to do. Thats real cash.