I wasn\'t ever going to blog about this but I don\'t care. I started cutting again. At first I just did it a few times and as a beginner I got caught by my mom. So after that i stopped… until now. I\'m so nervous about junior year! At first it was the worry if I even passed sophmore year. Then its thinking about recieving a whole new schedule of classes. I have to find them, get the supplies I need, get to know the teachers, struggle to understand the concepts (while never speaking in class), then college. Dun dun dun. anyway I\'ve started cutting on my waist so no one will see it accidently. I dont know how to deal with my anxiety so this is my solution. Just thinking about school triggers me to get my razor out of my closet. so far I\'ve only cut about 13 times. I promise you it will get worse once school starts. The hardest teacher I ever had last year teaches my science class next year too. I suceeded in moving up to a higher level math class for some ungodly reason. Math is my WORST subject!!! and now I\'m in all high level classes for my junior year. The stupidest things trigger my anxiety. when I think about school, my parents divorce, the scarring I\'m going to have, someone finding out about my cutting, and… well typing all this triggers me. I was trying to understand why I do it. I mean I could drink or do drugs but instead I cut. I think it\'s because I\'ve struggles with anxiety my entire life and I\'m fed up with it. When I cut I feel numb… thtas all I wnat… to feel nothing. No sadness. no pain. no fear. NO ANXIETY. realy I should just end it now, i sound so pathetic. -_-


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