Im Britney im 32 years old i live in a small town, im married to my high school sweetheart and we have 2 kids. My life hasnt been the greatest let me start from the beginning.
When i was young in the 7th grade i was on drugs and didnt care for school, i ended up being put in special ed (i didnt need it but because i was failing they suggest it to my mom at the time to help me pass) then my mother thought well she must have a learning issue so she took me to riverbend which started the issues. I was on strong meds for everything depression (which made it worse) adhd, sleep, mood ect. i felt lost i started cutting at a young age. Eventually i lost my grandma which was the biggest lose of my life i never experienced death before and not someone so close so i kinda lost it.
As i got older my grandfather needed me to take care of him, i quit school in the 10 grade got a job and started my life. I been a pothead all my life i been smoking weed since i was young so that increased everytime i could smoke. My husband moved in with my family at a young age he cheated alot and always wanted to leave so i felt as though i wasnt good enough. over time he quit all that and has showed me the love i deserve but the trust was lost long ago so i question everything.
As i turned 19 i was sexually assulted while working and that set in the anxiety later my grandpa past and as that being another major death in my life it got me worrying about death. I had to stop smoking pot as everytime i smoked id have a panic attack which i didnt understand because it was suppose to calm you down. My mind raced i had no where to turn. Then 3 years ago my aunt pasted unexpected and it was a total shock still not sure how she passed but i have my thoughts on it. She had anxiety and things and some health issues but nothing dealing with her heart and they said it was a massive heart attack but didnt do a biopsy so really have no clue. Those 3 major deaths that happened to people i was so close to turned my world upside down. Now with every attack every pain i have i think its something bad and that im gonna be the next one dead and ill leave my kids behind. I live in constant fear everyday of my life and all i want is to be normal, to worry about bills or when will the next datenight be where will i take my kids ect. But no its always about death and im not sure how to turn it off.
