I’m going to admit to something stupid. I’m bad about asking for what I want and I am really bad at saying what I don’t want. My family has a routine every Saturday we go out we shop and walk around, we do things it’s simple it’s normal it’s routine. But before we go out the family sleeps in for however long they want this has no routine. Because of this when I wake up and I always wake up first I just don’t do anything because I don’t want to disrupt anybody sleep. we have three yappy dogs and if I go to the bathroom at the wrong time, I wake up the whole house. But this also leaves me feeling bad I guess because I’m just sitting there for an undisclosed amount of time. And then there are days where I don’t hear them move around as much or I don’t get on the ball fast enough when somebody does wake up and by the time I’m done getting ready, they left. Because it’s normal and part of the routine I can’t say hey what are we doing today? Where are we going? When should I be ready? Because it’s routine and some part of me feels like it’s annoying to pester anybody about anything whatsoever. But that also means that they never ask me if I wanna go with them or if I don’t wanna go. It’s just assumed for everything in my life pretty much. Everybody wants to go to a baseball game, they waste money to buy me a ticket even though I hate baseball and I don’t wanna go anywhere and I’ve been miserable that whole week before so I definitely don’t wanna be anywhere. But the routine Saturday shopping day I come down the stairs and they already left two minutes ago, and I feel alone. And they just left so it feels petty to say hey you left me I wanted to go. And now I’m here typing this up feeling stupid because it was two little minutes. I could’ve called them and instead, I am crying like the little crybaby that I am. Because I am lonely on a Saturday. I hate being alone. I don’t know how to be a person when I’m alone. I don’t want to be alone, and it’s stupid because I am an adult. I should be able to be alone for a couple of hours.