Well had a pretty avergae christmas, pretty normal so to speak the usual sex jokes that get cracked, turning the inocent words of a child into something naughty lol the usual yes lol my family seems to be very 'sex' orientated its rather amusing lol My 5yr old cousin re-named my uncle the 'booby man' cause my cousin found a stubby holder with a cartoon girl on it with 3D boobs and gave it to my uncle for xmas so now uncle Andy is now THE BOOBY MAN hahahahaha

So this morning when it was just me and grandma we got talking about my nanna, and grandma revealed to me some thing nanna had said to her a while ago, basically nanna critizised my mum to my grandma and also critizised my grandma and pops parenting for the way they raised my mum and my grandma says that she will never forgive my nanna for saying those things. I feel so hurt by my nanna's words, she has put down my whole family, I am lost for words. I dont know how to discribe how I feel, which is a first cause I always know how I feel. Like who the fuck does she think she is? she feels its ok to go and talk bad about my whole family yet when I was a child and openly disagreed with how my dad treated m e infront of her, she would bite my head off and say "dont you ever talk about my son like that!" but yet its fucken ok for her? That woman is the MOST evilist of people I have ever knowen, where does she get off saying that shit? I've always said I dont think I could ever hate any one that was untill today… Apart of me wishes I didnt push grandma into telling me what nanna said, but on the other hand I am glad I know all the details. cause grandma wasn't going to tell me any of this because she didnt want her thoughts and feelings towards nanna to sway mine, which is fair, my whole family has allowd to me form my our thoughts, feelings and opinions, no matter what they feel about it, like mum never spoke bad about dad or nanna because for one… I deserve to have my own opinion and she didnt want any thing to bite her in the ass if i were to ever voice my opinion.

I feel so devistated, I dont think I can ever forgive her now, she has gone way too far and I feel my bitterness and resentment just wanting to jump out at her all at once, I want her to feel the pain she has caused me and my family, I dont even think like this with my father, him I can forgive but that woman, she doesnt even deserve to be called my grandmother, grandmothers are not meant to say those things, grandmothers are not meant to want to take away a child from its mother. I feel soooo angry. and to be honest these breathing exercises are shit… lol they aint working very well right now.