Never blogged here before. I am just at a loss as to what is going on with me. I am comfortable talking about my issues really but maybe typing things out will help in some way.
I just feel like I am falling apart. I have not felt like this in ages. Years. I have made it through a divorce. Moved to another country. Re-married. Dealt with friends and family that won't speak to me because I moved. All of it and never felt this bad.
In fact, things in my life are improving all the time. I am mending fences with my oldest son. I am in love again. I am even leaving in a few days to see my kids and grandkids. Why am I feeling like this now?
The only thing that I can think of is that a few weeks ago I had to go to the doctor. I hate the Doctor. They had to do some tests. I freaked. I was sure it was the end for me. Because of the doctor shortage here they only call you if something is wrong. I have not gotten a call. I was told if something was wrong they would have called right away. That was a month ago. A normal person would be happy. Not me……..I am sure they have over looked something and someone dropped the ball and did not call me.
That whole thing made me face the fact that some day I am gonna die. I am terrified of being sick and death. Terrified.
I am back to the feeling of giving up. I want someone to just come in and take care of me. There is no one. As much as I love my husband, he is not the strong one. I am the one that has to hold things together and reassure him. I don't have parents anymore and no siblings. I feel so alone at times.
This sounds like a huge pity party. Guess that is why I never blog.