There are certainly ups and downs to living by yourself. I hate how every day I spend completely alone without talking to anyone else the the entire day- tends to be a struggle. I just feel crappier by the end of the day. And it compounds over the course of the more days I spend alone.

When it turns into months or longer, I get real screwed up by the end. i used to try to just sleep through entire days, but taht didn\'t really work very well.

 

The friend i hang out with the most (maybe twice a week) si going back to college now. I\'ll see him twice a month at best this next fall.

 

The last three years I feel like I\'ve been getting steadily better, but only in a cyclical way. Summers tend to be good because i\'m around a few lingering friends. But fall and winter are usaully horribly rough. I sometimes don\'t talk to a single human for a few months in a row.

My SA is just starting to calm down from the visibly crazy levels it was at msot of my life, but is till can\'t force myself to easily jump into new social situations. I guess I\'m going to try more though. I have to, i an\'t let what happened the last 2 years happened again.

 

This year already feels different though, I\'m running a succesful meetup group of nerds in cambridge, and i have some hope of joiing another meetup group for tennis as well.

 

Still it\'s depressing and kind of scary until i join a solid community again. Which I need more than msot people since i live alone and work from home. Heh. I used to play the "I wonder how long it would take people to notice if i just died" game but, that\'s probablly not a good idea anymore.

In any case, I\'m hopeful I can turn things around and find a way to rejoin humanity this fall and onward.

I have to be.

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