Last night, I had a conversation with my ex abf of 6 years. He broke it off with me 3 weeks ago when I confronted him on some online sexual bahavior that he was doing. He used every excuse to break it off with me, from not "feeling the same" about me, to my house not being clean enough (his apartment is usually filthy, but in different ways…his dishes are all clean), but I knew this wasn't the reason.
After weeks of not speaking to each other, I saw a post he wrote on a classifieds website outlining his betrayal online and his addiction and how much he knew that he had hurt me, so many times in many situations. Almost a cry for help, but not suicide, just deep depression. I immediately went to see him with a friend, he heard some things i said and we started talking daily…this was about 6 days ago. We were intimate a few times with no promises of "getting back together" and it was great, he actually paid attention to my needs…This is a big deal for a woman, let me tell you! Anyway, last night I told him I could no longer do that as I can't seperate love and sex with him as I am, madly in love wtih the man. His response was that he understood and that he really felt we could no longer even have a friendship with me for a while. I am his best friend (the only person that really knows him) and he is one of mine as well. I didn't want this. He knows I want to make our relationship work, but he insists that he can't make everything up to me and his guilt and shame are too great. He says he "needs a clean slate" for his recovery. He started back to meetings 5 days ago. I don't understand this concept? I thought one of the things with AA was to acknowledge your character defects and try to make amends to that person, why would he want to make it worse by breaking things off with the woman he loves, that loves him and just wants him healthy, out of his depression, sober and living the life he always said he wanted to have with me?
HELP PLEASE??? I don't know how to feel right now. Do I let him go, even though I know he will be back and what takes place between that time wtih other women will only make it harder on both of us.
I told him he might be SLAA and he denied it, but opened up to the idea later and went to a meeting last night. He said he would probably go back as he learned a lot and I think actually accepts it now.