New beginnings are always hard but sometimes they can be worth it. I’m entering a new chapter in my life being twenty and what not. I’ve been struggling pretty badly for a years now but I’m worn out of being low and sad and that’s why I’m joining this “tribe.” I’m searching for people who know what it feels like to live with anxiety and depression and the general weight that life brings with it. I hope I can find the answers to pushing on when you feel like you can’t anymore.

Where I am now I feel like I am holding onto everything that has happened in my past and the things that make me me, that shaped me. But I need to start letting go and to begin healing from the trauma and the wounds of an earlier life. I can’t stay the same person I’ve always been, that’s only ever led me to misery.  I talked to my therapist and she suggested I join a support group. Quite frankly I don’t even know how to navigate the site but I hope in time I learn.

     So I joined the anxiety, depression, and LGBT+ tribes. That feels weird right off the bat, to not only know these things about myself but to say it, and enter a community, where other people can see that too. I don’t know myself or where I stand in life but hopefully this place, the people, and their stories can help me figure it out. That’s what life always feels like: I’m just trying to figure it out.

     I guess what I should do is record who I am in this moment, maybe one day I can look back at my growth … hopefully.

I am twenty years old, I have no job, no friends, or a SO. I have no direction in life whatsoever. I don’t know the things I like, or even half about who I am as a person. I’m in the midst of trying to figure out my sexuality. I’m fighting to get help with some mental and physical illnesses but I’m broke and exhausted. I’m currently heart broken over someone who is very much not thinking about me. My social anxiety has isolated me to the point I can’t speak to people in person. My depression has increased to a point where I’ve spent these past few months sitting in one spot on my couch and basically rotting away.

But I’m sick of that and I feel something inside me that borderline suffocates me. All I want is to get better, to fight to get better, and take life by the throat. I want to create a life for myself and live well. This is day one.