I am laying next to the love of my life he is asleep, he makes me happier than ive ever been N MY LIFE. he means everything to me. When i was about seven my grandmother died. She was like my best friend we did so much stuff together and when she died suddenly i guess at seven all of that was a bit hard to process and i feel like maybe thats wut set off my OCD because ever since ive had these fear of losing those im closest to. My boyfirend and I have been together for 2 yrs now and u think at this point id be feeling pretty confident in our relationship but its actually quite the opposite. I am terrifed of losing him. He sayd he loves me and he would never cheat on me or leave me and i believe him but im scared that if i have a bad or sick or weird just unpleasant thought or if i do something wrong or something that might be offinsive that i will lose him. We just recently started working together at a place where there are plently of young pretty women and that just adds to my anxiety i feel so ugly not just on the outside but the inside as well i just want to make him happy and im scared im just pushing him away. I keep asking if he loves me and getting mad over stupied things that dont even matter and it kills me iside to think that im hurting him or driving him away i feel like what if i already screwed up our relationship and i cant be better or i cant fix it. i feel like he thinks i dont trust him its not that i dont its like i feel like if i do something or say something or thiink something wrong that i will offend God or maybe something evil or negative will somehow attach to me and make him leave me or cheat on me and i no it might sound weird but it feels so real inside my head i feel so sad all the time now hear latley because i feel so bad or guilty ot wrong or negative and that im offending God or someone or something and it scares me pretty bad i dont wanna lose my boyfriend i just want him to no how much i love him, and i dont no how to get past this feeling of offending God and when i feel like have offended him I get really fustrated and mad not really at him but i guess at my ocd i get so upset becasue like be getting upset i just made things worst i just dont know what to do and i feel like if im mad or upset God will just take him away from me and i feel like if i try to shurg it off then that will just make him more upset and he will take my BF away or make something bad happen i just can't take it please help me if u can i just want it to stop i wanna b normal have a normal life and a great realtionship………………………


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