This is my first blog.

I have anxiety, depression, and because of my depression I smoked way too much weed last fall that basically resulted in what I would call a negative feedback loop…I only got more mellowed out (which is not like me when I\'m happy–I\'m social and energetic). It certainly increased my depression, turned me into a lazy bum who gained weight and didn\'t have much to offer to the world, and ultimately came to the point of almost causing me to lose my girlfriend.

I lied to her so many times from the beginning of last summer to when we broke up in December that it makes me ashamed to think of it.

We broke up right after Christmas, but I promised to give it up, and after a month we were back together. Since then I\'ve had acouple times where I smoked and there were more emotional nights, but I haven\'t now for about two months. I\'m pretty proud of that, but…

I\'m convinced weed is not physically addictive, and that I turned to it first recreationally at concerts and parties in the summer, and then as a way to ignore my depression and anxiety. What happened gradually was all the hiding it and lying about it, which just caused more of those feelings of anxiety and depression, so naturally I just continued smoking and lying and being an overall detestable person.

But I want to be able to smoke. Recreationally, that is. I\'m a little scared to try it, because I\'d be afraid that it would influence me to do it more often than is healthy. My girlfriend and I are doing alright, but I\'ll be going to a different college this coming fall, and won\'t have her to fall back on.

I\'m on medication for ADD/ADHD and depression, and am seeing a therapist nearly weekly, and we only recently have begun to discuss the anxiety issues that could be at the core of my depression.

That\'s a snippet of my life in the past year….I want to use this blog as a place to basically vent to people who know what I\'m going through and dont know me on a day-to-day level.

I need help and input. That\'s for sure. Anyway, thanks for reading. More to come soon.

Leo