I don't know where to begin

– I'm in a relationship with a man who is wonderful..but, we don't really want the same things in life, being he doesn't have any dreams in life and my brain is so erratic I want something different every 5 minutes. I am pregnant and although at first I was elated, now I'm really starting to regret it. I can feel my depression seeping in, I've wanted to kill myself three times whilst I've been pregnant and the feeling was really strong.

– We live an hour and a half from our families and where my partner works, we decided to move back to where Rob (my partner) works to make it easier for him to get to work and so that I could have support from his family. I am not close to my family and I'd go so far as to say I actually hold a lot of bitterness toward a lot of them, particularly my mum and half brothers and sisters. I don't even really see my dad's side of the family and so I am not close to them. I'm only close to my dad and one half sister. My mum suffers and always has suffered with clinical depression which affects me greatly and I binged drank for 7 years to cope with life when I was living with my parents and did a lot of fucked up regrettable shit. I have stopped drinking now.

– I suffer with panic attacks and anxiety which affects my ability to forge relationships with people and so I am a lonely person and have no friends to confide in. I haven't been close to anybody but for partner for about 7 years, I use to have close relationships to friends but they ended in disaster and I don't have friends now. Nearly all people make me feel uncomfortable and I worry about my ability to socialise constantly.

– I haven't worked for about four years.

I really don't know what to do, I have never in my life been happy and I'm still not, despite putting so much fight into it all I cannot beat the depression.