''Go Cut Yourself''
''Your Too Skinny''
''Your A Bitch,slut,cunt,Attention whore''
It never ends.. The name calling.. The pointing out my flaws.. It just never ends.. The pain never ends… It's always there behind me.. I'm never happy.. I can't be happy.. Everytime I'm happy,something or someone, tries to destroys it.. I'll never be good enough for anyone,even my family. I don't get it.. I haven't done anythign wrong but I haven't done anything right either.. I picture life without me in it and it seems oh so much peaceful and I doubt no one will miss me, I mean they'll miss me but they'll get over it in time.. this pain and hate towards myself won't EVER go away.. It won't ever end either.. I'm stuck with it.. I laugh and smile a lot so I can cover up the pain and hurt.. but I can't keep doing that because it isn't getting me anywhere.. it hasn't made anything better, it's made things worse because I have to deal with other people's problems and they don't even second guess if I'm okay..I'm far from okay darling, God I'm more broken and screwed up then I was when my dad died.. I'm 17, only 17..and I already want to die.. I think I'm slowly coming to the point of it's the only way to end the pain.. I can't live with this pain anymore.. I'm miserble.. But for some reason, I'm only like this when I'm alone.. When I'm around him..or my best friend it feels like all my problems go away.. and I don't feel when I'm with them.. But when I'm alone is when everything gets dark and bad. I can feel every mistake, every flaw, every scar, and every cut.. I don't get it.. Why me? I haven't done anything wrong to get this pain.. God, you've put me through hell and I want to know when can I have peace? You took my grandma away, you took my dad.. and now your putting me through this? Please.. make it stop.. I don't deserve this, no one does.. This is awful.. I'm stuck in a place where I'll slowly fade away in and I think I'll be fine with that when I do fade away..
''Go Cut Yourself''