So I have an appointment for Thursday to go see a Dr. I have been trying really hard to get control of my depression and anxiety on my own without meds.. I can't do it anymore, it has gotten to the point that I just feel like I'm losing it. My mind wanders constantly and my anxiety has taken it's toll. I feel pretty low lately and I always have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach My chest is always heavy. I nearly caught so many panic attacks just this week, and over some of the smallest things that shouldn't make someone freak out. I am used to struggling with severe depression and I have always been able to get out of it but the anxiety is something that has never been this bad before. I have no idea how to control it so I ask for help and I try to do what I am told but nothing seems to work for too long.. I come in and out of it on a daily basis and sometimes I will just sit in silence and my whole body feels numb. I daze off and get light headed then I feel like I'm not even here. I am exhausted and I just want this to be over with.. I know I need to keep fighting which is why I decided to seek help. I'm afraid of the outcome of taking meds but at the rate I'm going now I just believe that I will sink further and further down until I won't want help anymore. I don't want to ever get back to that place again. I want to be strong and feel safe. I know they say ask family and friends for support but it's so hard for me to speak the things that I can say here or in my journal. I have never felt so weak in my entire life and I've never felt so alone. I do talk to family and friends about this, however they don't quite understand and they can't offer me much of a release..  I just feel like I'm constantly repeating the same thing over and over again when I talk about it. I don't want tot burden the people that I love. My family is going through a lot right now and it is hard to count on them. My bf is here when he can be but I tend to stress myself out about him as well. I just want to feel good and free.. I really hope that I made the right choice by seeking further help..

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