Hey hey everyone, yesterday was my last day taking methadone…….im free…or am i really ? i dont know but it feels good to not have to swallorw that shit anymore!!! thats the best way i  can put it anyway. So today i had none, was ok untill around 6pm then started gettting stomach cramps, sore joints etc etc- you all know what withdrawels are. So i got off work at ten, thank god cos i was about to fall apart (while keeping a VERY brave face on it all) came home and thankfully everyone was in bed, i wasnt in the mood for talking ..for once haha.

I feel shit an i look shit but i know it wil pass so thats keeping me going , plus im still on the tablets (but dont worry its a low dose an i see the doctor, and thats not the one from the meth cliicn, he is a family doctor type doc , anyway see him fri and we will see where it goes from there.

I dont know if i blogged about it but last week when i was in with the doc he suggested residentail treatment for 4 weeks, i have NEVER been a fan of residential, its just too authoritive for me or something but iv been thinking and if i get the fudning from the health board to go , il go in for 4 weeks. Last week when the doc said it to me he said he was going to look into it, see if the health board would fund it and basically i would kow all i needed to know on my nexrt visit-which was today. So  i walked into his office, sat down, exchanged pleasentrys and asked him about the treatment center…and guess what he said ; 'oh yeah i forgot about that'!!!!!!!!!!! for FUCK sake does he not do anything. he said he woiuold have the info this week, and im not expecting miicales but he was the one who suggessted it, who kept going on about it and then next thing i know it seems the 'very important' thing for me to do was all forgotten about…Ugghhh doctors, they may have studied hard and worked hard for their jobs but some really dont have a fucking clue. I stayed clam though and told him that even though last week i wasnt too sure about the treatment center that iv since had a goood think about it and im 100% behind it, i also involved 2 counsellors this week so hopefully things will be sorted out by this time next week….. if he gets off his ass!!!

I had my interviw for the addiction studies course yesterday, it seememd to go really well so im praying i get accecpeted. but i also am wondering what il do about the course if i do get accecpted and i go to treatment,,,??? awww i hate stuff like thiss, but then again as bob marley said; no one but our selves can free us from mental slavery- which is such a true statement…anywhooo no point fretting over it cos there is not much i can do so il just wait it out and see what 'doctor wonderful' comees up with next week!!'

Other than that i dont think i have any other news..wouldnt mind just venting or what ever you call it.

God isnt life a funny auld thing….. it just twists and turnss and burns and chills when u least expect it. speaking of chills i have two fleece dressing gowns on and my fleece pyjamas and im stil cold…and the pains in my legs and stomach are horrible too,.i hate feeling like this, its a load a shit. I know it will be over in a few days but the impatient me wants it to be over NOW! Aww well that cant happen so il just have to get over it and try keep my head together, maybe try a bit more writing, not just blogs an poetry but writiing in my pad too, its mostly the same type of stuff i write on here butu i find it really helpfull.

anyway i dont really have much more to say todsay but once again just want to thank all my friends and everyone on here who is really supportful to me …shit im going to need people like u over the next few days.

Thanks everyone for listenning once again, love ya's xxx