Nobody asks to have depression… I was diagnosed with depression halfway through my freshman year, I am a sophomore now. I was also diagnosed with anorexia, but not by my doctor… by my aunt because she is a nurse, I was sexually abused when I was 6 years old and that might’ve been a trigger, I probably would have depression and anorexia even if I wasn’t abused.

Nobody asks to have a mental illness, its not our fault, I’m tired of being embarrassed when people ask about it… I hide it, I tell everyone I’m fine and I’m getting tired of lying to people. So now its time to let the truth out..

I feel dirty and disgusted. I felt like I was a bad person because I didn’t do anything to stop the abuse. I hated myself and that’s what led me to stop eating. I was put on medication and it helped but medication isn’t always the solution, no matter what medication you are on it doesn’t take away your trauma in your past.

I met a really good friend recently and  he has made me feel so comfortable talking to him, I told him everything and he is helping me. Currently we are doing a self harm streak and I’m at like 4 or 5 days… I don’t even know anymore because I stopped keeping track because I stopped thinking about it.

Nobody asks to be constantly thinking about their self harm and if they wanna do it or not. Especially not me, I don’t wanna think about it, I try not to but sometimes I just can’t stop thinking about it sometimes, and the more I think about it the more I want to do it but I tell my friend my feelings of doing it and hes always supportive and tries to put positive thoughts in my head to keep me from doing it and it has been, like I already said 4 or 5 days and people always say the first few days are the hardest and they are.

When I tell you I’m “ok”, “fine” “good” or “alright” I’m most likely not. I started telling everyone that I was so much that I started believing it and now I always say it .