I’m just going to nutshell the details as to what has happened:

Last year during the summer my dad attempted suicide (overdose), because he didnt exactly have an affair but he kissed his best friend’s wife. My mum and dad’s marriage was on the rocks, then after the incident it got a little better once they talked things through and started going marriage councilling … however my dad didn’t like councilling, they stopped going and they went back to arguing with each other regularly … and albeit he is trying to be … well … less of an asshole really, when he slips up they argue again, my mum cries and leans on me, my brother and sister for support, despite having to deal with it ourselves. We’ve told them they need marriage councilling but they’re acting like children about it – my dad refuses to go because he didn’t like it, and my mum said she left the papers for him to fill out on the side and it’s up to him and shes not going to say anything to him? So now they just hover between getting along and arguing … and its pathetic because they think theyre trying … but theyre not willing to make sacrifices like my dad going marriage councilling and my mum going councilling herself so she can stop leaning on us (me, brother and sister) who have also had to go councilling.

More so, after the suicide incident with my dad, one of my close friends, who I told all about the incident to … decided to just stop talking to me … randomly I think, only a month after it happened. I tried several times and several ways to find out what happened between us and she won’t tell me, despite we were so close that people thought we we’re going out … when nothing has EVER happened between us. I got a bit confused by my obsession with missing her that I thought I liked her as more than just a friend … also somewhat denile as to my sexual orientation … and I told her it in a private message on facebook (I nice message btw, I showed another friend who knows both of us and he described it as "beautiful") … she wouldnt tell anyone what happened between us, but on the last night we’d see eachother which was the work christmas party she told a friend she didnt have the same feelings for me (which was everyones guess that she did) … she quit before the christmas party, hence the last night we ever saw each other.

But I’m not the type to hold a grudge … anyone else treated the way she treated me would’ve told her to go fuck herself but I didn’t and I kept trying to get it out of her … even the slightest clue …

What kind of friend ditches someone when they need them the most? I mean I almost lost my dad for fuck sake, not to mention my parent’s marriage falling apart … and not to mention my own life feeling like it’s fading to shit.

I want to forgive and forget everything so I can move on but I can’tstop thinking and dreaming about the things I’ve mentioned above … and I can’t find a reason to forgive and forget when they’ve done nothing worth forgiving … they dont make the effort to put things right so why should I keep trying?

 

1 Comment
  1. sammy07 12 years ago

    i think maybe ur thinking about it so much because you want closure…if your friend had told you the reason why she did that you would have accepted it by now and moved on. but she sounds like someone who just wants to avoid the confrontation and that”s not helping you.

    what she did was horrible, considering how much you need someone at this juncture in your life…maybe she couldn”t handle that kind of closeness that you guys had and just wanted out. maybe it”s similar to how you”re feeling about your mum right now. i would say stop trying to get her back, maybe you”re pushing her away…if you leave her alone eventually she will realise what a terrible thing she”s done and come around. right now you need to focus on YOU and how to help yourself with your stressful family situation…

    you need to reach out to more people. and you know what, if you have a few people instead of just one, you”ll get a more rounded perspective of what”s happening in your life which will help you a lot more! and you”ll also have a committee of people fighting with you instead of one who just leaves you hanging.

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