How long ago was it when I posted saying how happy that I was getting a job? haha, well I've put in my two week notice. I don't know if I mentioned that I can't do fast food, and I already knew that, it being my first job, and I still for some reason thought I could do it.
I'll be cocky and say that I do one hell of a job, but the few times I do end up failling, the managers are way to hard about it. I've told them that I have extremely low self-esteem. I get butthurt to easy. That doesn't mean don't yell at me, go ahead. I take it way to harshly.
My last day is July 11th, and I can't wait. Although I've gotten a lot of money, I've realized that being a grown up sucks. My father gets more days off than me, him earning WAY more than I do, obviously since he has a much better paying job.
I did get a raise though! 25 cents from doing so well. to bad I'm leaving haha.
I did some bad things, that'll be marked in my mind forever, and it magically got even worse. I started talking to a 15 year old, which he's legal for now, but only for a few months. He dated my cousin, who's only 13. She has VERY bad attention issues, and I don't know what he did to her but he has her wrapped around his finger. I only wanted sex from this guy, which, I'm sorry, I was desperate. He's the 2nd person I've only done anyhting with, I'm only ashamed for how young he is. So while me and him are keeping this secret, my cousin, the one who I mention a lot in my blogs because she causes so much trouble in my family, called his mom threatening suicide, crying asking her to come get her. She's bluffing trying to get all the attention. I know I know "you only bluff for so long". Still though ,she's obsessed with a guy I ran off to have sex with. I feel so bad. I just, he was willing to do it, all I wanted to do was be held by someone. I'm lonely. I have no friends. I thought that that ONE day, that ONE day to enjoy myself with someone. I had no idea that our families would be joined together helping someone who's only trying to get closer to this kid. What the hell have I done..ugh.
Also. I've realized an other dream. I want to be a rock star. go ahead and laugh, it's funny, because it'll never happen. I put it very bluntly. I want to be a metal head. THat feeling when you're in a crowd, hearing the fans sing along. It's amazing, it's better than sex. It's a natural high that'd I'd rather do than smoke pot or something. I can't write lyrics for crap though, all I can do is play an instrument, which is an other thing…I'm trying to find a guitar teacher. Which currently isn't working out as I had hoped. I'll keep updates on that…
FOr the last thing, I'm trying to lose weight. I really am. Since working at a fried chicken place, I've gaiend about 20 pounds, and it really shows. I'm embaressed about myself way more than I was. I do have goals and motivational things though. I'm about to turn 18 which is the legal age for tattoos. Which i want to be covered in. I want to be twig skinny before I get them, so theres one. I have some bright green pants that I've never been able to wear because they were to small, and have been my 'motivational pants' for years now. I want this. I'm finally…feeling…okay. I need to keep pushing for that great feeling. To be a skinny, sexy, rock star. A HAPPY, rock star…if only~
I'm going to try and keep updating as much as I can. I probably won't start until all of the things start going for me, mostly after I leave work. THen I'll have nothing to do but play games/exercise/sleep….internet. haha. I have aboslutely no life, no friends. and to be leaving work is going to cause some problems I know…but oh well. I'm okay, that's all that matters right now.