So….This week has left me sorta…Numb…I'm not really sure how to explain it.

Parents have been fighting off and on again, I've been home sick since Monday…So again i'm missing more school and I'm getting anxious over something that isn't happening until this weekend.

Yesterday I went to the doctor, I have a Sinus and an Eat infection…Lovely. With my weak immune system and diabetes, it makes this 10 times worse…ugh.

I'm just over everything, I don't want to keep trying anymore. and I just found out some news that just made me go numb…

Andy Biersack (lead singer of BVB) tweeted, telling us to join in mourning because "We lost one of our own" today, A 12-year old girl committed suicide because of bullying.

And it just reminded me of when I tried to end it when I was 12, and sadly it didn't work then, and it didn't work last year when I tried again.

My prayers go out to her family…But part of my wishes that somehow we could have traded places, Because she's young, she deserves her life, Frankly I don't.

I also wondered, If I did die would anyone care? not just the BVBArmy, but people I know irl, Or would it just go unnoticed? Would they be glad I was finally gone, and out of the way?

Thinking about it, is a trigger in cutting and my anxiety. The anxiety isn't because of 'fear of death' or anything, it's in trying to figure out how others would think of the situation, if they actually cared…

I can't really explain it, But does this sorta make sense? I'm babbling, so i'm going to stop….I can't focus enough right now to write down everything i'm thinking, and I just feel like complete shit.

Hope you don't think to badly of me, Though I couldn't blame you if you did. Anyway, I hope everyone else in the tribe is having a good week so far…

If i'm feeling up to it, might post later to go more into what's been going on this week…Who knows…

Well, 'see' you all later…Bye…

P.s- R.I.P Laura Burns. www.independent.ie/national-news/family-left-devastated-as-12yearold-girl-takes-own-life-3306534.html