i dont know if i am slowly losing my mind, or my way reacting over multiple small problems. i feel very lonely most of the time, but i am exited that my friend from other city is coming for chrismas. every day, at some point i think about love "what if?" i cant stop thinking, but i dont have the "detecting" women who wants to talk or something, or no one ever has. everytime people see me i just think bad thoughts like, "why in the hell are they looking" " why are they laughing" and in a negative way. but sometimes i envy them, not to think that way and enjoying life.

i have had 2 appointments with a psykologi, i was suprised how she is kind, and she is hopefull. i am afraid that she wants to meet my parents and have a session with them, she asked if she could but i have only told my friend Petri and my oldest sister about my pills, session and depression. my psykologi has cancelled 3-4 times and i have missed an appointment, she hasnt called now i think she forgets me as all my friends and familie does.

i never want to go to church, espicially in chrismas. i hate meeting someone i know, and there is alot of people, and ofcourse i dont belive in god. i always do it for the familie, but now i am just tired and want to leave everything. the wierd thing is that some part of me enjoys some company, and someone i know even though i hate it.

i always feel they are dissapointed, those from each 3 schools i have been, and my familie, even though they dont say i can see thier face that i am a mess, lost and depressed.

i just, was hoping on that someone will help me little, but i see no solution only to adapt with depression.

2 Comments
  1. fosterthesoul 8 years ago

    Hi,

     

    You mentionied how you do things because of your family.  Have you ever considered why?  is it because you love them?  Or is it because you feel pressured by them? 

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  2. Andie372 8 years ago

    Personally I would fire a psychologist who kept canceling appts. They are well aware of how those of us who need help are dependent and vulnerable and canceling more than once is not cool.

    Keep posting and letting us know how you are. We care.

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