I don't really know what to write today. I think I'll just give you all an update on what's happening, no real point to the blog. Just typing and chatting to be theraputic.

Its another miserable day here in the uk and the rain never seems to stop. we've had two or three weeks of nice weather and thats our summer over. I was ready to go out this afternoon and get rid of some cobwebs but since Ste's being sick and is generally unwell that sort of went out of the window. It's my neice Chloe's tenth birthday next week. Its unbelievable I remember her first being born and that seems like just yesterday. Now she's a stroppy 10 going on 15 year old with a heart of gold and nerves of steel.

I can't decide what to have for my tea, its either going to be a cheese butty or super noodles. I could have spaghetti on toast but I had that for breakfast and the same yesterday so it's starting to get a bit repetitive.

How am I feeling today? Well my voices are doing thier best to make me get up and do something but thier nagging is putting me down. I've still got this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, a feeling thats telling me something is or is going to be very wrong. I don't know if it's my upcoming appointment with my psychiatrist but I'm hoping thats going to go smoothly.

I'm afraid of everything at the moment. From going out on my own to even getting out of bed and having a wash. I don't know what I think is going to happen but I think to myself: "If I just stay here then I'm safe" I'm probably safe whatever I do but really I don't want to ever leave the house again. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder and even in my dreams I'm not comfortable.

Well I suppose I better go and make something to eat because otherwise I'm just going to snack which is going to ruin my diet. Hope to chat to you all soon.

Jess xxx