My youngest niece Abby left for her freashman year at college on Sunday….Saddened to the point that I've been concerned it's a depression-kind-of sadness….I mean, sure,a little sadness is expected when something like this happens–when a niece you love with all your heart, whom you have known since she was an infant and saw grow up over the years at seemingly warp speed finally reaches that age where it's time for her to go away to college….but for me, with my past depression and anxiety related issues, I'm worried that the sadness is a little more intense than it should be…Miss her so much already…I swear, Father Time has f#$%ked with us all….

Have an appointment today with Voc. Rehab–they sent me a letter telling me that I do in fact qualify to recieve help from their services….this is supposed to be a good thing, right?….Supposed to be good news, right?…Then why am I feeling anxiety over it and not looking forward to going there today?!?…Worried they're going to make me have a difficult choice if they are offering something as far as possiblly finally landing a decent job that actually pays well–and if that's the case–would it mean that the only way I could get whatever job they might be offering is that I would have to cancel my plans to attend school this Fall?….And if I turn them down for now, would they still be willing to give me the offer later?…ANd what is the job sounds like something extremely undesriable and/or something I know that I would struggle at but would pay me well?…And all this trouble and all the difficulte months I endured and went went thorugh to finally be eligible for Medicare/Medicais; does all that go out the window if I were to get a full-time job with whatever they might be offereing?….

Again….their telling me that they are willing to assist me is supposed to be GOOD news–especially when I was so sure that the case I had would not be enough to qualify for their help….so leave it to me to turn it into something that I am making out to be bad news instead.

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