Cirena wants us to go to some bar in Kalamazoo to meet up with some old high school friends of hers. I don't really want to go… I don't want to have to be on the highway. It's supposed to snow this weekend. And I don't drink. I don't like to socialize.

She can't drink because I can't drive back. And I'm not getting in the Jeep with her if she does drink and neither is she behind the wheel. It's like we can take someone else that can drive back but IDK it just sucks and it's not fair for her.

Sometimes I think she could do better then me. I just don't want her to think I'm tring to control her, because she can do whatever she wants, it's a diffrent thing when I don't want to do it. She can still do it but she won't.

Then sometimes I think she blames me for her not doing something she wanted to do because I didn't want to do it.

And I don't like that saying "Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do." Because I've also heard "Well you don't have to do anything you don't want to do." Which is it?… The most convenient… Or does the one who has most power, always get their way?.. Is it a power thing… Like when parents want their kid to do the dishes… And the kid says I don't want to.

I mean I do things all the time I don't want to do. Rituals, going to work, getting out of bed, anwering the phone, being nice to people I don't want to be nice to. So why add another one I don't want to do… When it's something that makes me uncomfortable…

Why can't some people just accept the answer No… Why does it need to be explained… Why would someone want someone else to do something they didn't want to do and it still make them happy…

How can you not do something you don't want to do, and know because of this, it makes the other person upset, and still be happy that you didn't have to do it.

It's like it doesn't matter who wants what, because no one ever really wins. Even if they win they lose and the one that loses is the winner because they were the "better" person to give in…

Oh anyway, My day was alright.

I got plently of sleep but I was still tired when I woke up.

OCD was bad while taking a shower.

Cirena came home, we had dinner, and took a nap together. (That was nice.) Then I went to work.

Work was alright. Mild rituals.

I'm almost ready to tolerate people again. Getting there slowly.