Well I've been in the hospital since the 7th of January. Tired of all the prodding and poking. Kind of feel like a lab rat, but in another way this whole journey has been fasinating. Never thought about the part where I would one day become the patient.
On the other hand, being in the military and being a posoid(lol) is an interesting state of being. My career is taking a 180% turn for what I hope is the betterment of my quality of life and outlook on the world itself.
At first I didn't really trust my case worker, nurse, peer counselor, or doctor. However, I think that as time has gone on I've kind of grown used to the idea that they are trying to help me and not hurt me or make my life miserable. That has been a revalation all in and of itself.
Of course some of the tests were not the most comfortable of tests- those will always remain and I've just got to get used to it. On the other hand I think everything is leveling out and I'm not doing too bad. Of course the future is so uncertain at this point that I'm not hedging any bets as of yet.
They said that as far as they know I am stable. Of course they only have one set of comprehesives for right now, nothing as far as a pattern or a trend as of yet. So I'm giving it all another 6 months. They say that they will have a lot more answers then. I hope so. At least it doesn't look like (right now at least) I will have to take medications. That's a good thing from what I have learned.
In all other regards Life is life and just that. Still have up and down moments, however, they are leveling out as well. Could be worse right??? Still waiting for the breakdown and fracture of everything. I suppose that will happen soon. Trying to prepare myself. It could always be worse.
That's all for now. ciao for now.
-doogie
Doogie,
Do me a favor. When you have your breakdown let me know. I am going on almost a year now and everyday I wonder when I'm going to breakdown and how bad it's going to be. I was talking to my partner about it this weekend and I told him I think the reason I have had such a hard time with the whole thing is because it's the first time in my life I have ever had to really come to terms with the fact that I may not live more than 15 to 25 more years. I mean I have always known, and accepted, the fact that I would one day die. I just never had it in my head on a daily basis that I might not live to be an old man. Maybe I'm being silly but I am just so frustrated with the whole thing about not being able to move on with this shit.