my therapist and i officially called it quits. He says the organization cannot accommodate all their clientele, but I still cant help but take it personally. While he says that he’ll continue to see me until i find someone else, i think that in their eyes i’m already gone. Jesus, I havent even seen him in over 3 months. I guess its for the best – i cannot tolerate my psychiatrist anyway. During my last appt, i asked him how he was doing, and he said, ‘ i dont understand – is that some sort of greeting?’ – these people are from mars.
I think that I dont need therapy anyway. I write every day, and that seems to work out better fior me than sitting with a stranger for 50 minutes, and I leave there feeling no better anyway. They dont give a shit, or they havent convinced me that they do give a shit.
They tell me to start a facebook account, and reconnect with people from my past; people i went to high school with. In theory it sounds good, but, I had a rough time in high school, not popular, the butt of endless jokes – so why in the sweet f*ck would I want to reconnect with these a-holes?
It doesnt matter how far we have gotten in life, or how much we have succeeded, family, kids, whatever – I am totally convinced that the human brain, at the end of the day, stops maturing after high school.
Facebook is evil, especially for people like me – I signed up for 3 days, and signed off because of memories that came rushing back that I thought I long since forgotten about.
I have social anxiety, and social phobia – and facebook only served to remind me how people do not change. And an added bonus has been endless nightmares depicting instances in my high school life so humiliating that I cannot offer any more detail.
Do you ever feel like packing up your stuff, and starting over somewhere new?