Last night i was leaning over a kissing one of my daughters goodnight.  my right knee was on the bed.  my 2 year old daughter came up and her private area was by my foot.  my foot or toes moved i believe 3 times.  Right after that i had an anxiety spike.  I know i want to never do anything sexually with my daughter.  i don't think there was any sexual intension.  i told my wife this morning what was bothering me.  she said i did it intentionally (not accusing me of anything sexual..just that i was aware)…that sent me into kind of a panic.  she is not very understanding of ocd.  i am trying so hard to figure out why..the first time i move may have been a reaction….and the others just kind of an out of focus after movement.  i've noticed at times not only groinal responses but other body part responses when ive focused on that area.  so maybe a nervous reaction.  or maybe getting so tired of freezing up with ocd anytime i have any physical contact with ocd.  i have asked God to give me strenght to fight it.  i'm near a panic attack at work at the moment.  i could really use insight, advice…anything.  did i do something wrong? is it just ocd?  can ocd make you do something you never want to do?  part of me believes it's just ocd…another is getting toward panic state.  it all happened in a second…or maybe a close to 2 seconds…it was if my mind was just there and my toes moved…there wasn't even a sexual image…i just turned around and looked and noticed my daughter was there..and felt her against me…i don't even think it was in her crotch area…just close to it..maybe her inner hip or something….please help…did i do something wrong to my daughter??

1 Comment
  1. raider916 13 years ago

      You know you would never think that way or intentionally try to do anything to your daughter. OCD likes us to doubt and dwell on the worst "what if's" we can imagine. I know that awful doubt that you may have done something horrible when it enters your mind right after you are doing something subconsiously. Even tho the thought came to your mind after the fact, its like OCD recreates that moment to feel like you were doing it while that thought entered your mind. Then it adds the guilt like its something you wanted to think of, in reality its something you would never want to do and OCD gravitates towards that. Having the wife say something like she did only makes things seem worse due to re-enforcing that doubt and emotion the OCD created after the fact. Don't buy into that doubt, it's not something you consciously thought of doing, let alone something you would ever want to think. Never let OCD convince you that you are something that you are not just because a thought entered your mind. Regardless any and all the thoughts it throws at us, you have to remember who you are deep down and let your heart define who you are when your brain fails to remind you. I hope you find comfort and realize that none of this was and ever will be intentional. Hope you feel better soon!

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