does anyone have days where all the ocd thoughts feelings make them feel like that they are surrounding you and swallowing you whole and the only thing is keeping you from being totally swallowed is your own tiny voice screaming. i have been having a lot of those recently.

i feel like i am falling to pieces i have PCOS as well and i\'m in the process of changing medicines so i didn\'t take my medicine this month for it while i am preparing for the switch to the other medicine. i think it might have a lot to do with the fact i have been feeling like crap.

i am terrified to leave my apartment, i have been working on my erp for the past 10 days and only stumbled i think 3 one for sure. i\'ve looked at door before leave as if telling myself that door is closed and lock. i\'ve done that 3 times but i don\'t know if that counts as a stumble. i\'ve checked once for sure. i think i am doing pretty well with the erp thought despite the stumbles. the pure o is what is kicking my behind though. sometimes i wonder if its something worse rathar than the ocd. i have been resisting the urge to look up reassurance on the internet aka looking up symptoms of pure o and looking up things from other people i believe this to be a complusion and i refuse to do it anymore. so i have been just dealing with the uncertainty, the intrustive thoughts and the like. i feel so strange inside most days most of the day, and i hate it. i can\'t describe it. its not a thought but it is a feeling i can\'t stand and i would it to stop. i dunno if that is ocd or not, but i refuse to look it up because i don\'t want to reassure myself. despite all the problems my ocd has been giving me lately i did actually have a good christmas. i got a brand new bed mattress and bed frame, a garmin navagation system, some books, a brand new bookmark, and some other things. i had a wonderful time with my family and everyone had a good time.

2 Comments
  1. AlexPKeaton 13 years ago

    I have Pure O myself – it is very scary sometimes.  I give in to the reassurance too much myself, with internet searches, conversations with friends and family.  I’ve gotten pretty good at making otherwise benign offhand remarks into successful reassurance moments.  But some of my obsessions are so specific and so impossible to be reassured about that they haunt me for days, weeks, and in one case, over a year.

    I try to fight it and I only fall in deeper.  I try to seek reassurance but the reassurance is only temporary.  My therapy sessions are just giant reassurance sessions.  Just putting words to my feelings is reassurance to me.

    I feel surrounded too – like there is no way out.  I also have a fascination with trying to convince myself that I have something worse than OCD that is causing these feelings – like a tumor or a worse mental condition.  The way I figure it, I can have those things or not, but I DO have OCD.

    Believe me here – people with OCD are caring people – we care about others and our actions, our thoughts, our intentions.  That’s why we are brought down so much by these feelings.  Do not let OCD convince you otherwise.  No action or compulsion can seem to end these thoughts – I know that too well.  Just think of this – you are not alone.  It’s not you, it’s your OCD.

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  2. ancientgeekcrone 13 years ago

    Hang in there.  Sounds like you’re getting it under control.

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