The moment I wake up I think about my job. How i have to make it to work before 730. A lot of the time I wake up at 7 and rush my ass to work. Thinking the entire time I’m getting there how I have to be nice to everyone for the entire day. How exhausting it all is. I have this new position where I don’t see much of anyone. Which I am completely okay with.
ON somedays I do feel this weird feeling of dread and I feel like i’m moving in slow motions. Like gravity makes it hard for me to smile, move my feet and it even makes my thoughts go slow in my head. I fight through it. Distract myself through music, or doing something I can control. I organize a shelf, a room, a drawer, a paper, my phone apps, or even my calendar. I aim my urge to go insane into things that will make me stress less. I’m unsure if it healthy.
And its all god for me right? Like as if I am channeling all my stress to the right places? I just feel like I’m missing something. a whole year of self work and i haven’t gotten as far as I would like. I want certain things, and certain particular people. If I stay focused on my goal I can do things I never thought.. Alone.. If I go after this person will I be limiting myself? will I be happy for the small moments like before and then grow bored.. Like I did before?
It makes me upset that I can’t make up my mind but I am in no rush to make decisions. Because I question if this is me trying to ruin my success again. so for now I am just going to play it safe and go slow..
Hello. It does seem like you are doing what you can to make progress during a tough time in life. I would argue you should take it slow like you said. Focus more on resolving the issues your dealing with so that you do not have to distract yourself. It does sound like your making progress slowly and that is very great. Slow and steady wins the race. One day at a time.