i have lost interest in food. i dont want to be here any more. iv had enough i just want to be happy. my days are split between good and bad bits and i cannot control myself anymore. my parents dont understand me and are just saying get over it and i cannot but they wont listen. i started self harming yesterday – it hurt. So i have started scratching myself hopeing to erase myself from existance. So far it hasnt worked its work in progress. i hate myself for putting my boyfriend through this but i have no option and just dont want to be here and im worried that he cannot take my moods anymore but i think he is better away from me. when i know i love him and i don't want to lose him. he is my world and the only thing stopping my topping myself off . i applyed for disability allowance and income support so i can pay rent otherwise i could be homeless. I love work but atm i feel bullied by my boss because he puts me ontop of a wobbly ladder (im scared of heights) and makes me clean. the worst job ever. if i try to talk to him he makes fun of me infront of everyone. so i have a month off but that doesnot help me financially so that is stressing me out. i am hopefully going to apply for an apprenticeship in carpentry and joinery because that is what i want to have a carer in. My dad is now supporting me after 10 wasted years arguing about what i want. We nearly had an argument at dinner because i nibbled at my dinner – i didnt want much but he had to say you want more than that, is he me? i just want my parents to back off – they keep pressuring me to get a job but how can i when i physically shake thinking of working. i only have one readon for being here and that is for lee.

Alyson

2 Comments
  1. sayaandtenshi 12 years ago

    Don't lose your boyfriend, he's your support system and you need that. But when you're with him, try to forget about your problems. It may take time to do that but try to be happy when you're with him. It will start to make you feel better.

    Ask him if he could help you (not finacially) but maybe help find someone you could talk to and maybe they'll understand your situation and reduce the normal cost of sessions and if not then you have him but your parents don't seem very supportive so try not to take what they say to heart, like "get over it" because all of us here at depressiontribe know that isn't possible.

    If you ever just want to talk or need advice I would love to help you and I'm a great listener.

    -Ashley

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  2. ihateme 12 years ago

    thank you ever so much 🙂

     

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