I’ve been talking to an old friend of mine named Ed lately. He’s a friend I met through a different web site. He lives out in Canton, just about 4 to 5 hours away from me. He’s pretty cool. I stopped talking to him once before due to a big falling out of mine [[I cut ties with everyone because I couldn’t handle what I was going through]], & just started talking to me again randomly. I can’t believe he thought about me the whole time. I couldn’t believe he still knew who I was. But yeah…we’ve been talking. I was starting to maybe develop feelings for him, but I stopped myself. I can’t go through the pain of heartbreak again. Not after the 4 years I spent with Ian. I don’t want to relapse. I already have to explain the scars on my wrists to my brothers & children when they get older.
I was supposed to go out tonight. I get to go out every Monday night to a place called Docks. They have live bands playing, & it’s where I get most of my pent up emotions out. Apparently, moshpits & headbanging are great ways for me to express myself. Anyways, my mom decided not to let me go out tonight. I don’t understand why because she didn’t bother to give me a reason. She just came home & told me I wasn’t going. When I asked her why, she said the classic line: "Because I said so!" That explained everything.
I’ve got a busy weekend coming up, so that should keep me from thinking about the things I usually think about before I go to bed. Friday I’m spending all day with my little brother, Saturday I have to go to a softball banquet, & Sunday I have to go to my unborn goddaughter’s baby shower. That should be fun. But the rest of this week I have to prepare my room for my mom’s inlaws. They’re coming into town, & they only speak Spanish. & for some reason, every time they come down, I have to give up my room, when there’s a perfect guest bedroom across the hall. Granted, it’s for 2 nights, but still. I don’t like the fact that someone else is in my room. I don’t have anything to hide, it’s just MY room. It’s MY personal space, the only place I can really feel like myself without being judged. & I have to share that place with two people I can’t stand or understand. Super.