"you want the moon, girl watch me grab it!"

just a quote from the song…
Well well well…all these random thoughts cross my mind. and I really dont know what to do about them. Like i said, i am finally in a good relationship. we are in love, he is caring, sweet, he is always there for me . he misses me. i try not to see him. why? because i'm scared!
why am I scared? because some wounds just need a lot of time to heal. I have been rejected, abandoned, played with by every guy I know. Before I met my bf, i went out with this other guy who told me he was in love with me, he cried in my arms tellin me how much he needed me how happy he was to be with me. 5 days later he disappeares, doesnt answer to calls. nothing. So then i start hanging out with this marine guy. he seems the sweetest person on earth, drives for hours just to spend little time with me and yata yata.. then he disappears too!

now I talked to my friends about this, they say it s their problem not me. i then spoke to the marine guy recently, who told me he disappeared cuz he was goin to afghanistan and didnt want me to freak out on him. Lame.

and now of course I have these preset reactions to my bf that make everything more complicated. he wants me to go to his house meet his (big) family, and I simply cant. just the thought of it makes me cry histerically. I just cant deal with this now. what if he just disappears too after i meet everyone?

im so scared of being hurt again , i keep myself from feeling things. when I do feel them tho, it hurts so much…