It can happen and it makes me feel really good, but tired.
Today I managed. I’m so proud of myself and I’d hope that anyone I told would be too. I had a good day today. They feel so rare that I feel inclined to share where I can.
I take so many meds that I just feel helpless. I am trying. I’m doing everything the doctors and therapists ask of me and taking all my meds properly. I have a hard time just walking out the door sometimes, so I stay glued to my couch. If I feel, even a tiny bit, of the urge to move. I move. I get up, walk around, stretch, anything. Today, I felt the urge to grocery shop. I haven’t had that in a while. Almost a month, I think. So, I got in my car and I drove… and drove.. I made it to the supermarket! A feat that rarely happens. Maybe a total of three or four times in the past six months. That’s how often I’m able to travel for more than 20 mins. It felt so good! The emotions during were a bit overwhelming and hard to control, but I kept telling myself that the meds work and this step is up to me. “You can do it! Just basic shopping. Nothing bad will happen. You’re okay.” I kept saying this to myself, over and over. I think I was there for at least an hour. A whole hour! That is something I can cheer for, even if I’m the only one. I totally high fived myself in the car, no shame. “Suck it anxiety!” I always tell myself, “Patience plus perseverance equals progress.” and what do you know, it worked! Needless to say, once I got home and put all the groceries away, I was tired. I slept for nearly 3 hours straight. That’s another positive, because I always struggle to stay asleep. My new meds have been helping a lot, but I slept on my own!
It’s been a really long year. I feel I am so close to being able to work again. It feels so good. I did have some negatives that happened today too, but I got to stay focused on the positive. The meds are doing their job, I just need to do mine. Hopefully I can start a streak. Keep it going, stay on this track. Looking back on the year, I never thought I’d make it this far. It might be the extra serotonin talking, but I feel good.
I hope my positivity becomes yours as well. Thanks for reading! <3