Everytime I start doing better things seems to fall to peices. I work two jobs and my boyfriend just got laid off today! I just dont know what to do anymore. I have all this anxiety, the what-ifs and the what nows. I am so frustrated! I feel like I have no relief, I scream, yell, cry, dance, sing, drink a beer, have a cig and nothing helps the stress of everyday life from barreling down on me. I feel like I have a heavy rock on my shoulder and I am just having a hard time just to stand anymore. I thought about cutting myself and damn it! it has been so long and I dont want to go back to that. That addicition is so hard to break. It never seems to go away. I want to cope with life, not drowned in it.
I might have to move, bills are gonna pile up again, cant enjoy things have no money. Christmas is coming all the gifts and family, all the explaining why my life is the way it is. Family memebers always say with me, listen you might have bad luck, but its better then no luck.. Ha they aren't in my shoes. I work so hard and have nothing to show. I have a wonderful man but there is no jobs in our area. Umemployment ha thats a joke we faught that on his last job and got screwed.
I feel the world is out to get me and its cutting me down inch by inch by inch. I know I have to stay strong but I just dont have the will power anymore! Guess all that is left is to hide behind the fake smile while the pain swells up inside.