I am an over thinker my nature and dr google has not been my friend. Over the years I have spent countless hours googling every symptoms convinced I had everything from boarderline personality to schizophrenia. I have driven myself crazy with these thoughts of possibility. Yet today, I had to see my doctor for a serious reason. I have areas in my foot and leg where I am losing sensation. It’s like I’m wearing a sock and the sensation is muffled for lack of a better explanation.  She advised this may be MS and sent me for imaging to rule out spinal lesions. Oddly enough I am not panicking. I am calm albeit tired since getting up so early today but not really concerned. Why is that? Why are unfounded fears with no basis so much more scary than a doctor telling you you may have a terrible disease? Am I in shock? I don’t think so. Maybe because it’ll be known? The unknown is so scary for people with OCD so maybe it brings a certain measure of comfort and relief to know? I don’t know. Too tired to really think. Maybe it’ll be a different story tomorrow.


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