Hi, just made this account, I have an account on OCD tribe but I'm having alot of trouble with my social anxiety right now. I have been diagnosed with OCD, Social Anxiety, Depression and ADD. Sorry for the leangth of this.
So I've been quiet my whole life but it's getting worse as i grow up. Since 13 i've been majorly bullied at school. Mainly about my looks. I always wore my hair in a pony tail and never wore makeup. I once wore my hair down to school and people made fun of me and asked what was wrong with me. I wore my hair in a constant pony tail from that day and more or less went silent. I had never been kissed or had a boyfriend untill i was 18 and 10 months old. I am 19 now.
Last year was my first year out of school. I got a job at Briscoes. Everyone was really friendly and i felt included for the first time in a very very long time. There was one boy who stood out to me, he was 20 at the time. He was really friendly to me. I decided to make an effort to be his friend. Everytime i talked to him i was so nervous and i always had to reherse what i was going to say in my head. I did my best and we soon became best friends at work. He invited me to his 21st and i drank a bit. Drinking gives me alot of confidence. We ended up falling asleep cuddling on the couch. We soon became boyfriend and girlfriend. 2 weeks ago we broke up. That's why I'm so upset. The first few months of our relationship were good.I fell inlove with him andhe said he loved me back.I trusted him to tell him about my mental disorders, he said he'd support and took it really well. But aftera few monthsa few things he was doing were beginning to upset me. For example, when we were at hishe'd go get himself something to eat and forget to ask me if i was hungry to. Or he'd bring lollies over and not share. It was like he was in his own world and couldn't see past that. (After we broke up my work mates who have worked with him much longer said they noticed that about him a long time ago). I was to afraid to approach him so i wrote him a letter instead. He agreed and tried to fix it but then he'd start doing other things. I txted him aboutit.He said the thing that upset him was that i couldnt tell him straight away. So i promised i'd work on it. The last couple of weeks i thought were going well, 2 weeks ago we went to town, i've never been so drunk. The next morning he broke up with me. His reasons being that he was unhappy, which kills me, he said he felt like he had to tiptoe around because he didnt know what would upset me and what wouldnt because I was so quiet and he didnt know what was going on in my mind. He said he'd always love and that we'd still be friends.
I wrote him a 3 page letter saying I'd also always love him and more than anything i want him to be happy. We left on a good note.
The thing is I've never hurt so much in my life. I love himmore than anything in this world. We still work together every Tuesday. The first Tuesday i got sent home because i kept crying. The next Tuesday was better. We talked a bit and i walked home with him after work. Everysecond though i was wanting to pull him into a hug and tell him how much i love him. He looks perfect and i'm wishing that he asks for me back, even though i know thats not likley. When i see him smile i am happy that he is now happy, but sad that he will no longer smile about the love he has for me and that he is moving on from me. I love him more than i can put into words, everyday i cry for him and every second he is on my mind. It's the worst pain I have ever felt. And in the end it all really comes down to one thing – my talking. It seems like such a simple thing, but for me talking is the hardest thing for me to do, and it's ruined my relationship with the person i love most in the world. I have never been this upset or depressed and I don't what to do 🙁
this is how my current relationship started, except i wasnt suffering from anything back then. im not good with talking, i just cant seem to put my feelings and emotions into words. i had to either write my boyfriend a letter or make him face away from me whilst i told him what was bothering me. i am lucky that he stuck it out with me, and now i can tell him anything.
try writing a letter. tell him there is no need to tip toe around you and just forget your worries and write it all down, warts and all. you\'ll probably feel sick when you give it to him and until you get some sort of response. but i do believe its better to say \'oh well\' than \'what if..?\'
my boyfriend has took my anxiety hard, and we have had patches where i thought he may leave me, but we make it through. the early parts of a relationship are always harder though, it should be about butterflies and learning everything about each other, and an illness can put alot of pressure on that.
if it doesn\'t work out, then atleast you tried. focus on yourself, you are so important. my boyfriend always says to me \'it takes two happy people to make a happy couple\' and i think he\'s right.
stay strong x
Babygirl, I understand your pain. A couple of things, you are in the best time of your youth! Embrace it, date, find what you like in several boys 😉 then you will find the right one for you. I too in my younger years fell fast in love with 4 very different boys before I found the right one (at 28yrs old)
You tell yourself that as long as he is happy you are happy because you love him that much. If you don\'t give up on him, he will see that what he wanted was right infront of him all along. That sad truth (which I am still learning myself) is that life is not a Hollywood movie. Those boys don\'t all of a sudden realize what they had. Now pick yourself up, dust yourself off and show him the sassy side of you!
I know it hurts now, but I\'m here if you ever need to talk 🙂