People in general confide to me. I don't know, I just make them comfortable I guess. Many people have told me that.Maybe cause I am such a mess that they don't feel judged by me! Most probably because I am open minded, but my philosophy is not to judge someone unless you have worked in their shoes, which is impossible, we are all unique. There are profound reasons why we are who we are. I love that peopleare confortable with me, because I feel it is flattering that they put this trust in me. And I take it very seriously. I feel responsible for people who confide to me. The whole mother Teresa thing?No because they bring so much to me in return. Those who confide the most often turn out to be the most loyal friends. I am surprised at all people have told me and how much I can count on them when I fuck up in my own life. Sometimes however, I also feel worried for them and it affects me. But I would not change my superpower for anything in the world because the human soul is the most beautiful thing, even when it's dark.

And once again, it seems my poz friends are the most precious friendships I have, because they are so genuine. No bullshit about I am successful, pretty and happily married or whatever success standard there is. Maybe I identify also to them and my gay friends because I am a non conformist. But I don't say that to look cool; I never fitted, that never was what I wanted, what I felt confortable in, from early on. And yet I long for a simple and healthy relationship! 🙂 Contradiction, contradiction would say a certain friend of mine. Or is it?

I kind of gave up on meeting anyone. A close friend of mine is positive. He was my friend before he was positive, so it's not what brought us together. It was meknocking at his door one night and asking what was for dinner, the start of a 15 years friendship, all of my adult life. He is like family, came to my family parties. Over the years, we often talked of having a kid together, if I ended up single at 35 yo I think it was. He is gay, so I would have absolutely no romantic interest. I think he would be the perfect dad. Present just enough, but not too much. lol And I feel it would be the most beautiful present to give him. I am getting to 35, hormones screaming. I fear a little giving up my romantic life and all my activities, but I have 2 girl friends who did it totally alone. I think his husband might also be jealous… but maybe I could convince him. I know he likes me. My best friend brought back the topic tonight and I may just be ready for that. I would probably give myself a few months, until november… I don't want to promise him and then hurt him if I met someone. It is a serious decision, I realize. We would have to discuss financial and shared custody issues, etc.

Are there implications I am not seeing? Anyone has an experience with that?

1 Comment
  1. m_janette66 9 years ago

    I don't know your whole story with this "family friend" of yours, but I am HIV positive and raising my HIV negative son who is almost 3 years old on my own with no help from his father whatsoever, not even financial.  He is not even in the picture, not by his choice, but he was 15 years younger than me and turned out to be a very violent person with what seems like some mental issues going on, not to mention a drug habit I found out about, and I did not want my son around this.  Anyway, I found out about my HIV pos status back in 2009 and was not requiring medication at that time as I guess they caught it in the early stages, before I even got pregnant.  I was with my baby's father during that time who didn't seem to care that I was HIV positive.  When I became pregnant at the age of 45 (unplanned as I already have 2 grown children from a previous marriage, ages 24 and 17), I had to take 2 different HIV medicines from my 4th month of pregnancy on up until my delivery (twice a day) just to keep my baby from contracting HIV, not to mention I also had high blood pressure that had to be kept under control throughout my pregnancy and I delivered my son 3 weeks early via repeat C-section.

    I am not saying that this "family friend" of yours would not be in the picture of your future baby's life.  What I am saying is why take the chance of this happening?  If your just doing this as a "gift" to this family friend, that would totally be unfair to the child as raising a child is a life-long commitment and has to be taken very seriously, and not to mention the cost.  I really wish my son's father would have turned out to be a better man than he was.  Now I am totally alone, have very few friends, and am raising my son on my own.  It's very, very hard. 

    At least I do have the help of my parents.  I don't know what I would do without them in my life.  They are truly a blessing!! 

    I think it's great that you do have some wonderful friends in your life to talk to and to get advice from!!!

    I hope this helps you!!


    God bless!

    0 kudos

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