I'm going to be honest here because I need to release my true feelings….I've tried taking chances in regards to meeting people but it has only blown up in my face.
I've pushed myself to respond to ads on Craigslist and even on Facebook….but, it was made very clear I was not attractive enough to continue a friendship and all communication ceased after we met.
I never wanted to admit this and it's very hard for me to type this….to be rejected continously after pushing myself out of my comfort zone and taking risks, I can't do this anymore.
I tried to reach out and I've tried to connect with others time and time again only to be ignored, stood up and shot down after I have met them. I honestly feel I'm being beaten down into seclusion and the message is, I don't deserve to be happy with anyone. I am destined to live a lonely life. I know I'm not a great looking guy and I am shy and quiet when it comes to meeting people but these recent experiences have made me believe that I should go back to my old ways….get drunk and go out for one night stands. But I don't want to do that. Getting drunk and having one nightstands only made me extemely lonely….funny thing is,now being sober apparently makes me unattractive and boring.
Aughhhh, I'm sorry, the last thing I want is to sound like a desperate,broken soul but that is how I feel and since I don't easily express my feelings…I have to type them out. Why do I do this? To feel some sort of connection out there somewhere. To feel I'm not the only one out here who has put themselves out there only to be let down over and over again. Others who feel….defeated and have given up on the possibility of finding love again.
I just had to vent. I just had to….let it all out and type how I feel. I'm in the moment and I know it'll all pass.
I'm simply typing out what I would never say to anyone.
Ok…..all done now.