I'm going to be honest here because I need to release my true feelings….I've tried taking chances in regards to meeting people but it has only blown up in my face.

 

I've pushed myself to respond to ads on Craigslist and even on Facebook….but, it was made very clear I was not attractive enough to continue a friendship and all communication ceased after we met.

 

I never wanted to admit this and it's very hard for me to type this….to be rejected continously after pushing myself out of my comfort zone and taking risks, I can't do this anymore.

 

I tried to reach out and I've tried to connect with others time and time again only to be ignored, stood up and shot down after I have met them. I honestly feel I'm being beaten down into seclusion and the message is, I don't deserve to be happy with anyone. I am destined to live a lonely life. I know I'm not a great looking guy and I am shy and quiet when it comes to meeting people but these recent experiences have made me believe that I should go back to my old ways….get drunk and go out for one night stands. But I don't want to do that. Getting drunk and having one nightstands only made me extemely lonely….funny thing is,now being sober apparently makes me unattractive and boring.

 

Aughhhh, I'm sorry, the last thing I want is to sound like a desperate,broken soul but that is how I feel and since I don't easily express my feelings…I have to type them out. Why do I do this? To feel some sort of connection out there somewhere. To feel I'm not the only one out here who has put themselves out there only to be let down over and over again. Others who feel….defeated and have given up on the possibility of finding love again.

 

I just had to vent. I just had to….let it all out and type how I feel. I'm in the moment and I know it'll all pass.

 

I'm simply typing out what I would never say to anyone.

 

Ok…..all done now.

 

All done.

 

Peace all.

 

3 Comments
  1. yk 10 years ago

     

    You will be alright… one day stuff will fall in place……dont worry!

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  2. MarcAnthony 10 years ago

    Yea, I have my 'blue' moments but it has passed. The good thing is that I'm typing my feelings out whereas before I'd simply keep everything bottled up inside.

    I keep telling myself not to take things so seriously and stop being so hard on myself. Now, I simply have to listen to what I say! Had to take a breather, brush it off….and know that today is a new day. I read a saying, "This too shall pass like the gas from your ass".  

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  3. MarcAnthony 10 years ago

    I think I'm trying too hard to get out of my sheltered world that I'm doing things the wrong way. I'm allowing peoples negative attitudes affect me and I need to learn to brush things off. 

    It was a moment of frustration and a lesson well learned….learnt….learned, yeah. People who judge others by their looks are not people I wish to associate with.

    Thanks.

     

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