It all started over the weekend. My life was like a reality that I never wanted to face. I am so depressed about who I am and my disorders are controlling my life that I feel I dont know who I am anymore. My haunting dreams are back, and honestly I dont know why. I was doing so good and now there here again. I was having atleast one a week and now I have had them now for 4 days in a row. They are so vivid, I remember every detail like I have lived it myself. They haunt me, and they are always of other people with disease or zombies or phyco killers that are out to get us but I am never myself I am always someone else with another family or people that I knew that were killed in Iraq.
Also my hypersomina is getting really bad. I feel so tired that I sit down and I could fall asleep even if someone was talking to me. And right now I hurt so bad, my boyfriend of wonderful 4 years told me that he feels alone in our relationship because of my hypersomina. It really has gotten worse in the past 4 months. And I just cant help it and I love him so that I dont want him to feel this way. And the fear that I cant control it is that if this keeps going on maybe he might leave me.
My depression has been kicking my ass. I feel like I have to wind myself up to get going or have the energy to do anything. My addictive gene has kicked back in again that I feel I have no relief from the pain I have inside. Its just so hard to shallow. Now all I do is drink, drink, drink.
Really at a lost with myself. I feel I am rough around the edges and they keep cutting deeper inside that I have left is the pain and the uncomfortable feeling of emptiness.