My name is Abigail and I am sixteen, last year my life spiraled out of control very quickly. It only took one summer to “ruin” my life. I don’t know how it started, I just know I almost died trying to stop it. I had just finished my freshman year, I was a bit emotional but I thought that was normal, especially since one of my best friends had died the previous year. I thought that I had pulled through it but I was wrong. It started as just getting nauseous  after I ate, then it turned to puking. I didn’t force myself to puke, just the deep fear inside me pushed it up. A month went by and my body was awful. I had gotten down to just 75 pounds. I was weak, angry, and so scared. I’d cry every time I was left alone, I would clutch to my mother every night and begged her not to leave me when she’d try to go to bed. At this point the doctors had done so many stomach tests and couldn’t figure out why I was puking. They put me on acid reducers and a low dose of Klonopin. My mom finally broke one night and took me to the hospital in the middle of the night. My father refused to go, he said there was nothing wrong with me and I was just acting this way for attention. I guess starving is a great way to get attention. My mom’s final straw in the situation was the fact the hospital wanted to put in a feeding tube. She told me that I had two options, going to a mental hospital or having a feeding tube. I chose the feeding tube but my mom told me I had to try the hospital first. I don’t know why she gave me options if it didn’t matter what I chose. My mom talked me into thinking that the hospital would be like a vacation and it was much like my family vacations because I was really unhappy, surrounded by people who didn’t like me, and I just wanted to go home. The hospital was the worst thing I have ever experienced, I cry and have panic attacks every time I try to talk about it.  It will take me some time to be able to articulate my experience without breaking down but I hope that once I get it all out that I can maybe find some solace.

More coming. What do you think?

1 Comment
  1. andreakliss 2 years ago

    I think you are strong and compassionate and trying to process a loss that is so terrible to process. Grief comes to all in different ways. Be patient with yourself and understanding that we all have terrible struggles.

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