So I left my room at school, even though I am the one who had the highest lottery number….I let my ex-friends keep it, because I’m not greedy and rude like they are. I can not believe Sean ruined our friendship, and that my friends trust/like him more than they ever did me. After all the things I did for  my friends after a year of friendship. The free concert and meeting the band Alicia and I went to, driving MK to Dickson city just so she could be with her bf, the cupcakes and decorating I did for Jens birthday mean nothing. All of a sudden I am the culprit of talking about them behind their backs, which I never even did. They believe what Sarah and Vanessa said about the whole thing, and care that Sean is upset over the Sarah thing. Noone cares how I felt about breaking up with John, dealing with my friend talking to Sean behind my back, and dealing with depression while in school. Its like while I was there I ahd to wear a mask and pretend I was happy when I wasn’t….They got upset because the one day I slammed the door. I only slammed it because for the past couple of days everyone ignored me and pretended I didnt exist. They went to all the meals and did everything without me, something we vowed never to do to eachother. Noone even told me they had a problem with me and just a week ago I went out with Jen for her b-day.All of a sudden they feel like I am a threat to them, and they are afraid I am going to hit t hem cuz I use my arms and hands when I talk in a fight with them….Well hello I am Italian and we use our hands to talk…..I never hit anyone EVERRRR.  Being a victim of abuse, I know what it feels like to go through that, and I would NEVER do that to anyone…MK got in my face and waved her water bottle in it , and Alicia wouldn’t even stand up for me and say that thats what she did. Alicia is MK’s bitch, and MK feels power contolling her, its what makes MK feel good. And ya know what its a shame, cuz we all were extremely good friends. I just thinkt his whole thing is jealousy. Its like the more  I did for them it still wasn’t good enough…I just can’t belive Sean took precedence over me and I have to live with all the girld flaunting themselves all over him, and not seeing what a maipulator he is…..I feel so alone, especially witth X-mas and my birthday coming up…I just think of all the goood times we had and it breaks  my heart it had to end when it did….I wrote Sarah and Vanessa a letter apologizing, nd Sarah never said ANYTHING back to me…I was like god I meant everything I said I just dont understand why she doesnt care…or why she cant see Sean doesnt want to be with her….And now I almost wish more than ever to slit my wrists and end this shit because I dont think I deserved to be trampled on by my exes and ex-friends..I wish God would send someone to love me besides my over-bearing mother…….